My dear girls
As I watch the two of you grow into young ladies, I see also, with some trepidation, the doorway that leads to the world beyond home and family opening a little more every day.
It’s big out there, and exciting. But like rock climbing or investment banking, it brings its own risks. And almost all the time, you are the only ones who can protect yourselves from them.
The world will always treat you like a stranger.
So it’s up to you to get to know it.
Understand its ways and its moods. When it comes at you in anger, step aside and let it pass. When it gets behind you, stay on the ride for as long as you can. Watch out for its sideswipes and back-stabs, and relish its unexpected rewards.
(Read Dr Seuss’s Oh the Places You’ll Go. Nobody has ever said it better.)
Seek friends not for what they have, but for what they are.
Don’t choose a lover for his looks, but for the way he treats you. (Or she, for that matter.)
Always be nice to waiters. People who are rude to waiters are generally not nice people.
Learn as much as you can, both in the classroom and out of it. Knowledge is the one thing nobody can ever take away from you.
It’s fine if you don’t like maths or broccoli. It’s fine if you do.
Accumulate no more than you need to, not what you’re led to you think you might want. The less you need, the wealthier you’ll find you are.
Travel light. Don’t hoard. If it’s not paying rent, practically or emotionally, throw it out. Unnecessary stuff takes up space and oxygen. And spirit.
But do hoard your memories. Pack them tightly into a corner of your brain. Memories are the rewards of experience. When you least expect it, memories can give you guidance and inspiration. Or just a comforting sense of where you come from.
Delete the contacts of those who suck the life out of you – the sponges and the negative ones and the emotional parasites. They don't deserve you.
Make sure your camera batteries are always charged.
Learn the meanings of words like “pusillanimous” and “rambunctious” and “syzygy”. Don’t use them in conversation – people will think you’re showing off. Learn them because they were your grandfather’s favourite words. It’s one way to be sure that you’ll never forget him.
Don’t smoke. It gives nothing to you; it only takes. Drugs take even more and give even less. Be your own drug. Your brain is all you need. And your brain is like a muscle – the more you use it, the more powerful it becomes.
Don’t accept drinks or rides from strangers. Don’t get into a car driven by a drunk person. Don’t drive if you’re drunk. These are three of the dumbest ways to die.
Don’t accept smiles at face value. The smiler might only be only smiling at what they can get from you. Honest smiles give more than they take.
Stay in the left lane unless you’re overtaking. Never order meat rare if it’s minced. When you’re making instant coffee, pour in the milk before the hot water. That way, you don’t burn the coffee.
Stay in touch with your childhood friends.
Never crap on your own doorstep.
If you can’t pay cash for something, you can’t afford it.
Remember that you have more chance of being struck by lightning on your birthday than you have of winning the lottery.
What’s important and what’s urgent are not always the same thing. Learn the difference.
You’ve both been blessed with far more than your fair share of talents. That, by the way, is a good thing. But talents come with obligations. You’re expected to use them to amaze, astonish, startle. To entrance, surprise and astound. To enrich your life, and those of others. If you manage to amaze yourself, you’re about halfway to amazing anyone else. It’s not easy. Talent on its own is like a good knife, but even a good knife is useless when it’s blunt. It takes time and effort to keep it sharp.
Never forget that whatever you do, whatever choice you make, there’s a consequence. Question everything, but trust your instincts. Sometimes they’ll let you down, but it’s not the falling that matters. It’s the standing up again.
Your Big Dream will remain a dream if you just dream it. Plan a way to reach it. It’s a destination you have to work towards, because it’s not going to come to you. Let passion be your guiding star, and good sense your rudder. Make sure you have enough fuel for the journey.
One day when you’re old and weak, you’ll want to kick yourself for not chasing your dreams. By then you might not be able to do even that. Regret, by definition, means you can’t go back and change anything.
So be true to who you are. Live the life you want, not the life others expect you to live. Define success on your own terms. You are not a donkey: working towards something you don’t believe in is largely unpleasant and generally difficult, and a waste of every hour of a life that numbers just one. As John Lennon said, “This is not a rehearsal.”
Embrace those who understand you. There won’t be many who understand your originality. Have an opinion. Stand up for it. But assess opposing opinions with the speaker’s ears. You don’t have to agree with something to respect someone’s right to say it.
Walk away from the haters and the underminers. From those who will throw doubt in your path and sand in your eyes. Close your ears to the gossipers and the rumourmongers. Every journey has its obstacles, and most of those obstacles aren’t fallen trees or muddy ditches – they’re people.
You’ll be surprised, though, that most people would rather see you succeed than fail.
Never forget that you always come first. Respect, love, and care for yourself, physically and emotionally.
Be proud of who you are today, unashamed of who you once might have been, and don’t be seduced into becoming something you are not.
It’s a great, crazy, wild, dull, scary, weird, exciting, dangerous, challenging, boring, bewildering and amazing world out there, all at once.
It’s up to you to make the most of it.
I love you.
Dad
